Winning is not everything
Leaders need to learn how to lose graciously. Persistence is commendable but only up to a point. As a society, and especially in politics and business, we must not just tolerate but embrace losses as experiences that can prompt change and growth. Leaders – whether in politics or business – are understandably focused on winning. To come out on top is an inherent human desire; it shows we have impact and yields both financial and psychological rewards. Countless management books preach about how to win customers, form winning teams, and beat the competition including Donald Trump’s “The Art of the Deal”.
Losing control, face, status, job, power, wealth remains unacceptable. However, as this past presidential election cycle has shown us, leaders do need to learn how to lose graciously.
We need to build places in our culture where you can lose without being considered a “loser.” How many would label Abraham Lincoln or Thomas Edison as losers? Both spent much of their careers re bonding from failure. Joe Biden has run for President numerous times.
Consider the politician, lawyer, and voting rights activist Stacey Abrams. After her defeat in the 2018 Georgia gubernatorial election, she could have tried to run for office again herself. Instead, she decided to redouble her voter registration efforts to help other Democrats, including Joe Biden, Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock, win their races, fundamentally reshaping the power balance in U.S. politics. Staying true to her mission rather than seeking personal recognition, Abrams re-oriented herself and won a perhaps more consequential victory in a different arena.
If you enjoy what you do and are working toward a purpose, you will care a lot less about who “wins” and “loses.” To understand this idea, it is helpful to review James P. Carse’s definition of “finite and infinite games.” Finite games end when someone wins, while infinite games go on forever because they are played for the sake of playing. Leaders who play infinite games defined by a sense of mission, a unique culture, and a cohesive team are the ones who truly inspire.
Leaders need to recognize when their actions are being driven more by an impulse to maintain the upper hand than a genuine desire for positive impact. They should understand when their “victory” is hollow or short-term or has come at too high a price. Countless corporate scandals, from Enron to Wells Fargo, illustrate the dangers of trying to win at all costs.
Donald Trump’s Presidency and this Republican Congress will be remembered for their selfish behavior during a time when their constituents needed them. Trump wanted to prolong and delay the certification of the Electoral College votes in an attempt to pressure Vice President Pence and Congress to not certify the election. That would have forced the election into the House of Representatives where each state delegation receives one vote. In that scenario, Trump wins because the Republicans control more states. It is also important to understand when events are out of any one individual, team, or organization’s control. Leaders manage what can be managed, but for all those things that cannot, they should know when to surrender.
